The Academy and I Have Our Facts + We're Voting: Other

Ok, first the truth: I haven't seen any of the films that were nominated for this past Sunday's Oscars. Some kind of unwritten/small print sin for anyone who knows what a F stop is. However, my brother, Matthew is not only a regular @ his local theater but he's also been known to go not once, not twice -up to four times, to see one movie (believe it or not, there is no math involved in this entry). In turn, he keeps me on the up and up w/ what's good, what's bad. Please allow me to share a few of his reviews:

The Departed: "AMAZING! BEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN!"
Children of Men: "AMAZING! BEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN!"
Little Miss Sunshine: "AMAZING! BEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN!"
The Departed: "I JUST WENT AND SAW IT AGAIN! AMAZING! BEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN!"
Borat: "AMAZING! BEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN!"
Babel: "AMAZING! BEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN!"
Devil Wears Prada: "Who would go and see that!? I just saw the Departed again! AMAZING! BEST MOVIE EVER!"

(I should note that Matthew also saw "Good Burger," in theater ...I'm just saying he's a well-rounded fella)

So, it's safe to say, I know a thing or two about this year's nominees. With that knowledge, I found myself watching the 2007 Oscar Awards and thought I'd share a few thoughts/comments/observations/what I caught while glancing up from a book I was reading (in no particular order):

-I was glad to see Ellen hosting. I've been an Ellen fan for years. Honestly, I could have just sat and watched her stand up for 3 hrs. Plus, I'm a big fan of anyone with a tambourine and a velvet suit.
-Jack Nicholson's shaved head vs. Britney Spears 'do: I called it early, the comparisons/jabs will be all over the E! Channel's Oscar wrap up (And I was right).
-Rumor has it that Eddie Murphy left shortly after losing to Alan Arkin for best male supporting actor ...What a sore loser. Or was he leaving to attend the premiere of "Norbit"? Hmm.
-Ryan Secreast. How much longer will he deny the gay rumors by overcompensating in heterosexual male rhetoric? "She's HOT! I mean HOT! Man, I'd like some of that! HOT!" ...It's hard to pull off when you're asking "Who are you wearing?"
-Why isn't anyone covering the best dressed for the evening: Diane Keaton. She was the only one that I thought "Wow!" when I saw her walking out w/ Jack, to present best picture.
-Am I the only one that noticed a certain someone who was missing from this year's memorial reel? I'm speaking of course about Anna Nicole Smith. Um, Naked Gun 33 1/3? How quickly the Academy forgets that slice of cinematic gold ...And yet, they'll honor Robert Altman? I think Leslie Nielsen, Prince Frederick Von Anhalt and I stand amongst many when we ask: "What gives!?"
-And ok, her name escapes me but she was honored as the former president of Paramount Pictures (and accepted her award w/ a lovely TelePrompTer-penned speech) ...During her whole "achievement" montage they made mention of her Mother's passing, from cancer. I'm not pointing fun there but I doubt I was alone in stiffling the laughter when they mentioned the charitable foundation she started in her Mother's honor: "STOP CANCER" ...C'mon. I have a hunch that fitness guru Susan Powter was behind that one.
-"Best Director goes to ...Martin Scorcese ...BUT for Raging Bull ...Sorry for the delay"
-I have nothing to say about the shadow dancers ...Nothing ...Oo crap!
-Congrats to former VP Al Gore and his documentary "An Inconvenient Truth". Yeah ok, I haven't seen it yet but you know I'm vegan, in my 20s, voted within the past century and have all the intentions to recycle so I love it! Good job. STOP GLOBAL WARMING. Also, thank you for keeping your speech brief and not making out w/ Tipper, as a friend pointed out earlier.

And on the note of voting and saving energy (not Tipper and breath mints): I, myself, will be voting later on today. More out of civic duty than the belief that Major Richard M. Daley will ever leave office (his recorded message called the other day -I thought that was thoughtful).

My days of voting just to wear an "I Voted" sticker are of yesteryear now that they've stopped w/ the stickers and started w/ the rather unstickable/impersonal voting receipts. Plus, my apartment building is the central voting station for my neighborhood and since I have to go to work and check my mail anyways ...

Wet Toes: All Before A Cup of Coffee

Note: I hate the word "jug"

Forgive me, it's been months since I last changed my kitchen faucet's water filter. In fact, I've further it's neglect by regularly purchasing 2.5 gallon jugs of water, @ my local grocery store.

After work, Thursday evening, I had a few errands to run before calling it a night and attempting to go to sleep @ a regular hour, in order to wake up @ 5AM and get ready for my AM Friday shift. My errands included a trip to the grocery store w/ water on my list. I purchased two and made it home -Putting one in my fridge and the other on the top shelf of my linen closet.

My alarm was set for 4:58AM (Why 4:58? I haven't a clue. My alarm and I have a love/hate relationship and I didn't want to mess with it for fear I'd be late for work). Fortunately, I have a back-up alarm system in the form of a 15 lbs., black + white Primo -Powered by Pavlov's Theory ("Beep beep" = FOOD).

4:58AM: Beep, beep ...beep, beep. I shut the alarm off, still asleep. A couple of minutes later, Primo springs into action -Pawing, whining, batting @ my head. Though, this morning, there was a greater sense of urgency in Primo's high pitch wails. Milo soon joined in w/ his very distinct, nose-crinkled squeal. Where's the fire!? Did Timmy fall down the well!?

Blurry-eyed and barefoot, I stumbled (gracefully, I'm sure) out of bed and into the living room (also known as "the rest of my apartment"). There, I was met with Lola running in circles, w/ her duck-like squawk. Except this time none of them were bee-lining it towards the kitchen ...No, this time they were running towards the linen closet, stopping aburptly -And that's when I saw it. That's when I woke up.

Cracked open, laying on it's side and (now) empty -The water jug -It's contents completely drained and soaking through my carpet -All 2.5 gallons. By this time I had managed to open one eye, the other still blurry. I walked into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water (I think my first reaction was "Crap! ...I'm thirsty").

510AM: There I was in my nightgown, feet wet, in a pool of soggy carpet, grabbing @ towels -a sad attempt to sop up this mess ...And all the while, forcing myself to laugh.

Me: "CRAP!" [forced laughter]
Milo: "Waaaaaaaa!!"
Me: "I know!"
Primo: "Meoooooow!!"
Me: [forced laughter] "I know!"
Milo: "Waaaaaaaa -aaaaaa -aaaaa!!"
Me: [forced laughter] "I'm trying to clean it up! I'm not awake!"
Lola: "Squawk! Squawk!"
Me: "Exactly!"

After all towels were in place ...I tip-toed my way to the bathroom. Once in the shower, I was comforted with a newfound appreciation for the way the water neatly ran towards a rust-colored drain.

"Wait, I need a towel! CRAP! [forced laughter]".

To Catch A Predator: As Seen On TV

Ooo, look the Pasta Express: "Cooks up to 1 lb. of pasta! Also great for shrimp, ravioli, hot dogs, carrots, peas, and much more!"

And Ooo, not to be out done, the Vidalia Chop Wizard: "Chops and dices in one swift motion! Never needs sharpening! Chop your kitchen prep time in half, giving you more time to enjoy your delicious dishes!"

But why do you care?

Well, you shouldn't ...Though, lessening the time spent on such long + tedious chores such as boiling (things) and chopping (things) is cutting edge and deserves your attention ...You shouldn't care, neither did I, as I spent 10 minutes hiding in the "As Seen On TV" aisle @ my local CVS Pharmacy, earlier this evening.

I braved the -3 temps with one goal, in mind: cinnamon heart candies ...As I browsed the leftover assortment of pink + red holiday treats ("They can't be out of cinnamon hearts!") ...A guy walked by, stopped and turned around:

Guy: "Damn, you're real cute"
Me: [headphones on -pressed smile -eyes darting back to my quest for cinnamon confections]
Guy: "Hey, what's your name?"
Me: "Sorry"
Guy: "Aww, I just wanna know your name ...Cute girl like you in the candy aisle, you lookin' for candy?"
Me: [side-stepping away ...away!]
Guy: "You know, I bet you sweet ...like candy, bein' in the candy aisle -You sweet like this aisle!"
Me: [cue the crickets ...A-ha! Cinnamon hearts there you are!]
Guy: "You know, that's what they call an euphemism, you know that? Sweet ...candy ...You in this aisle"
Me: "Yes ...Thanks ...Have a good night"
Guy: "Aww you too sweet cutie!"

And then like a hawk, circling it's prey -This guy opted to linger ...And just as the check-out line was within my sight -Who had beaten me there!? In a mad-dash/lightbulb moment, I ducked down the "As Seen On TV" aisle, until the shark had left the waters ...That's an euphemism ...you know?

The Long Of A Short Month, In Other Words: A Bit Dull w/ Nice Bone Structure

Train stop convenience store, purchase: 1 Oatmeal + Raisin Clif Bar
Me: [hands clerk money]
Clerk: [hands back change] "POWER!"
Me: "…Yes!" [Mental Note: What?]
…..


Thursday night, heading home after work, I stood on the train platform awaiting an outbound train towards home …I always walk to the front of the platform, in hopes of catching the first or second car (Rush hour aside –Generally, a given for a seat) …Unfortunately, the heating lamps do not reach the front of the platform so I stood there, bundled up like a ninja, peering down the tracks (And yeah ok –My pride scoffs at cold –Scoff!)…A CTA worker came up the stairs to start his rounds …Pushing the heating lamps on –And that's how I met Benjamin and learned that A. It's hard being both British and black, B. That I have "very nice, amazing" bone structure.

[CTA worker walks closer to my end of the platform]
CTA Worker: [in a surprising British accent]: "Aren't you cold? Why not stand underneath the heating lamp?"
Me: [Yes, cold …A tad blurry-eyed, tired, headphones on] "Sorry?"
CTA Worker: "It's cold –You must be freezing"
Me: "A train will be here soon –Plus, the cold keeps me awake." (Let the verbal diarrhea begin!)
[Blah blah blah …He asks what I do, I say student/vet assistant –No, I don't want to be a veterinarian …Blah blah blah …He's been in the States for a handful of years, born/raised outside of Manchester, UK. He likes "football" (shocker) …We both agree that Chicago's a great city, love living here, blah blah –I keep peering down the platform for a train]
CTA Worker: "A lot of people question what I am –'Are you black?' Of course I'm black! It's my accent that alarms them at first, I fear. I was shocked to find such ignorance in New York City. Such ignorance!"
Me: "Ah …I can imagine" [Mental Note: Ok …Train? Anyone? Anyone?]
CTA Worker: "Once they get to know me though, they see that I'm just like them …I mean, I too like sports. I don't deal with much of that in Chicago –There are so many cultures and niches to fit into. Are you sure we haven't talked before?"
Me: "I'm afraid not" [Where are you train?]
CTA Worker: 'I'd definitely remember you. I saw you walking up on the platform –You have very nice –amazing –bone structure. Very memorable." [motions to his face]
Me: "Ah, thank you" [Here we go …Oo wait, headlights! Hooray a train!]
CTA Worker: "I'm Benjamin –Not Ben, I've really enjoyed our conversation. I hope to see you more often around this stop" [offers gloved hand]
Me: "Nice to meet you Benjamin –Not Ben. Take care" [I walked onto the train, pushing my scarf over my "very nice –amazing" bone structure]

…..

I worked Friday morning until Noon, per usual …My "must" for the day was to stop by my cats' vet (a few blocks away) and pick up more dry food (I mentioned this process a few weeks back …Since Primo's diabetic, he's on "special" diabetic dry food –Delicious). This time around, I also wanted to see if the vet could fax Primo's medical records to my work, since I really want Primo see one of the vets @ my work. It was actually, this very week, last year, that Primo first crashed diabetic and while I was amazed @ the care Primo received throughout his grueling 5 day stay @ the vet (The vet would call @ 130AM "Almost lost him but we got him back" and telling me that "we're trying all that we can and I have a lot of hope but you really should prepare yourself for the worst") –Such top-notch care has slowly been on the decline. His vet is on his way towards retirement and has had a stand-in vet the past handful of times I've had to take Primo in (She's the one that calls him "sir," every other sentence). Short of the a somewhat long/boring explanation: The vets @ my work come highly recommended and I have the employee perk of discounted service. It's silly that I've waited this long.

I should mention that on my way out, as I opened my apartment door, I noticed something eerily reminiscent of last February …Spotting @ the front door. That immediately sounded the alarms …The last time Primo started spotting @ the front door, was when he crashed …Mental Note: NO! (in a high pitch mental note scream).

After paying for the (overpriced) bag of dry food …
Me: "Also, I was wondering if it'd be possible to fax Primo's medical records to my work …?"
Ms. Rude VA: "Um, what? Fax them to your …work? WHY?"
Me: "Yes …I work @ Treehouse and I'd like a copy of Primo's medical records"
Ms. Rude VA: "Um …I don't know how to do that [pause] …Do you really need a copy? I guess I could copy it for you"
Me: "Yes, that'd work"
[10 minutes pass …She asks for the spelling of my last name 4 separate times and I find myself thinking of what my Mom used to tell people "Phelps –P as in Peter, S as in Sam"]
Ms. RudeVA: [talking a few feet away w/ another assistant] "Yeah, THIS GIRL WANTS A COPY OF HER CAT'S MEDICAL RECORDS BECAUSE SHE'S GOING TO ANOTHER VET! Do I just COPY them for HER? WHAT? No, she wants to go to ANOTHER VET"
Me: [Mental Note: Geeze, all I asked for was my cat's medical record and she was acting as though I said "You know, that scrub top is doing nothing for your figure" Plus, she made sure I heard her annoyed sighs]
[10 minutes later …]
Ms. Rude: "HERE! THEY'RE NOT IN ORDER. Now is THAT all?"
Me: "Yes, that's all, thank you …And just so you know, it's not a matter of switching vets. I still have two cats that see Dr. Kas."
Ms. Rude VA: "WHATEVER"

Lovely.

Later that evening, Primo and I played an ongoing game of catch and I fully gave in to his "I have a broken pancreas" guilt trip.