Dear Self, Rub-A-Dub-Dub: Fool In The Tub

For those of you who know me throughout my day by day or year to year …You’re well aware of just how many “Dear Self,” moments I have given a day. “

Dear Self, “ as in “Dear Self, This is your life + it’s happening right now” …Also known as the “I hope no one calls me right now + asks me what I’m up to,” moment(s).

It was nearing 11PM and I thought about taking a shower …I then wondered what the rush was, seeing as I had nowhere to go, wasn’t expecting any company and surely I’d be awake for a while …Why not take a bath?

There’s something comforting/discomforting about taking a bubble bath …First you’re filled with the thoughts of relaxation. A nice hot bath, lay back, read a book, perhaps some music …Ah, a bath. Then there’s the thoughts of being naked, vulnerable and the possibilities of what could happen while you’re confined in a tub* of water. What if there’s a fire? What if one of the cats injuries itself? What if there’s a burglary?

I decided to throw caution to the wind and focus on the relaxing aspect. It had been a bitterly cold day and I had spent most of my afternoon schlepping via bus throughout the city …Yes, a bath would be just the way to wrap up my evening.

*Other words for "tub": barge, barrel, bath, bathe, boat, bucket, cask, crate, firkin, keeler, keelfat, keeve, keg, piggin, scow, ship, tank, vat, vessel.
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Having cats means lending yourself to their own neuroses.

Feline Neurosis #1: The bathroom door is to never be closed …Never. It must be open at all times. Closing said door may result in zombie-like paws reaching underneath the door and possible whining. A pitiful sight to see.

Feline Neurosis #2: As with the bathroom door, the shower curtain must remain open …Unless you are showering and therefore water would splash everywhere. Closing the shower curtain while bathing results in pawing and the voyeuristic, sporadic peeking. Keep shower curtain open.
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Bubbles a plenty and the water temp was just right, I laid back and opened my latest read. A few pages in, I noticed Primo was sitting near the edge of the bathtub …His ears were back and he was focused on my foot peeking through the bubbles. I wiggled my toes and Primo took off. Slowly he crept back, stalking my left foot. I set my book aside and watched Primo’s curiosity unfold. After glaring at my orange toenail from various angle, it was time to strike …He raised his paw and “SWAP!” …He took off running towards the safety of the living room.

I thought to myself “Dammit Primo, why must you do this when I’m in the bath and my camera is in my bag?”

Eyeing my slippers near the door, I stood up and quickly wrapped my bubbly self in a towel, slipped my wet feet into my slippers and pranced to find my bag and try not to leave puddles. Camera in hand, I stepped back into the bathtub and sat there with my toe sticking out of the bubbles.

Camera: ON.

I thought to myself “Ok Primo, come back!”

I sat there, with my camera …Primo was nowhere to be found. After a few minutes, he reappeared in the doorway.

Wiggling my toes, I called for him “Primo, Primo! Come here!”

Nothing.

“Primo …Primooo, come here! Primo!”

Nothing. And that’s when it dawned on me:

“Dear Self,

You are sitting naked in a lukewarm bath of bubbles with your camera …Calling for your cat.

Crap,
-Self”
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Friday, 5PM

Me: “I should wash my hair …I need to run to CVS.”
Lisa: “Yes, you must shower before going to CVS.”
Me: “Lisa, if I ever crack …And I’m found pushing an empty shopping cart, mumbling to myself up Broadway …I hope people will say ‘Hey, I just saw Amanda with a shopping cart, talking gibberish to herself on Broadway …And you know what? She smelled great!’.”