The Latest Craze: My Mother Has A Passion For Technology

Mom: “You both never -NEVER-had a pacifier!”
Me: “Ah, I couldn’t have one …I couldn‘t even have a bottle.”
Mom: “I know, honey but you know what I’m saying. My children NEVER needed a pacifier.”
Me: “Mom, I had a ‘suck-blankie’ until I was 5 and Matthew had a bottle until he was 4…”
Mom: “What I’m saying, Mandy, is that cell phones …ipods …All of those goo-gadgets are just pacifiers.”
Me: “Yes …”
Mom: “I see it everyday at work …These grown children visiting a sick family member and they both come walking in on their cell phones …And the moment their phone goes off, well by golly they have to answer it!”
Me: “I know but in some cases it’s relevant …I mean, I live alone, it‘s my main mode of communication.”
Mom: “Well, honey, we’re not talking about Amanda Jordyn Phelps, right now.”
Me: “I know but I’m just saying …Why I agree with you on people’s dependence on technology, especially their cell phones …It’s all relative, person to person …I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.”
Mom: “Well, what do you do when you go into a place of business or a restaurant?”
Me: “I put my phone on vibrate or on a rare occasion, I leave my phone at home on quick errands …But hey, we’re not talking about Amanda Jordyn Phelps here.”
Mom: “You shut the phone off or turn the ringer off! I raised my baby girl right …But Matthew had to go and call me crazy -CRAZY- when I got upset over him checking his text messages during our brief time to see each other.”
Me: “Well, the next time Matthew calls you ‘crazy,’ Mom …Just say that you’re not ‘crazy,’ that you’re ‘passionate’ …Say it very calmly and have that be that. There’s no need to exasperate the situation.”
Mom: “Passionate! That’s right …I’ve always been passionate, Mandy …I know I’m not Italian but when Matthew kept checking his phone during our visit, I was very passionately peeved about that.”
Me: “Yes …But Mom you have to look at it from Matthew’s standpoint …Think of all of the people he has to contend with, all the relationships that he has to juggle whenever he comes back to town for a short while.”
Mom: “Yes but I’m his Mother, Mandy!”
Me: “Now Mom, I hate to burst your bubble and I hate to state it so bluntly but look at the situation, you are the only person that unconditionally loves Matthew and I …And there are so many conditional relationships that Matthew must juggle that when it comes down to it who do you think he’s going to cater to at the end of the day? That‘s just how it goes fortunately and unfortunately.”
Mom: “ [sigh] I have two wonderful children, you know that Mandy …Oo, can I call you right back? I need to take this call.”
Me: “Ha! Take that conditional person’s call, I’ll be here.”