Bobbing, Dodging + Weaving For Apples

Deja vu at the grocery store, this afternoon ...Only instead of peddlin' pineapples (like the last time -Oo "exotic" pineapple), the take-a-taste of the week: apples. Shiny, red, crisp, "triple-washed" ...ordinary apples. My wheely-cart and I walked right into their produce trap ...I could tell from the twinkle in this dedicated Dominick employee's eye (she had two), she was not only looking to give away free samples of this symbol of forbidden folklore ...She believed in the whole Malus domestica family.

[Note: My ipod is sick. It has a hardware cold and I've scheduled a check-up. In turn, I've been sans my little box of joy. My little white headphones that tell others "I see your lips moving but I didn't know you could sing."]

[Apple Lady spots me ...Do not make eye contact, do not make eye contact. I see the samples. Turn away, turn away ...Oo no! Our eyes meet! She's smiling. Her plastic gloves are reaching ...reaching for a sample ...Where's the parsley!? Must find parsley.]

Apple Peddler: "Hi there!"
[CRAP]
Apple Peddler: "I have some wonderful apple samplers for you!"
[For me? Just me? Really? All of this ...for me? Well ...]
Apple Peddler: "Here!"
Me: "Oo no, thank you"
Apple Peddler: "10lbs. for $10! I've been sneaking bites all day [fake embarrassed laughter]. I don't usually like apples but THESE apples are ...DELICIOUS. Like their name! [laughter]"
Me: [pressed smile] "No, no -Thank you, though ...I just ate."
[c'mon wheely-cart -PIVOT!]
Apple Peddler: "Oo yeah? What did you have?"
Me: "What? Uh, soup. Yep."
Apple Peddler: "That's not a meal! Here!" [thrusts 2 browning apple slices my way]
Me: "Have a nice evening"
Apple Peddler: "Aww ...Well ..."
Old Man [in a Bears play-off hat] "Whaddya got here?"
Apple Peddler: "Hi there! These are RED DELICIOUS apples"

Phew ...Wait, apples were on my list. I double-check my little orange notepad ...Yep: litter, fancy feast, oatmeal, toilet paper, parsley and RED DELICIOUS ...Hmm. Fine. I'll do it.

Apple Peddler: [eyes me, smiles] "See! I knew you wanted some!"

Wait, is that girl tired? No. Well maybe she's cold? No, that's not it. Wait, I know that look, that girl wants apples!

Cut to my return home ...I push my cart up to the front doors, spin around, kick my foot out at a ninety-degree angle to prop open the door, pull my cart in backwards, spin around.

John [building operations manager/opening the second set of doors for me]: "What's this crazy dance move you're doing?"
Me: "Oo, ha ...Just something I've been working on. Thanks."
John: "Oo, looks like you got some num-nums for the kitties"
[...Num-nums?]
Me: "Ah, yeah ...Actually, it's litter. It'll make them like me for about 10 minutes."
John: "And how are the kitties?"
[He asked me this yesterday and now that I think about it -He asks me this every time he sees me]
Me: "Oo, they're fine. Thanks. Have a good evening"
[to the elevator!]

And to think, I was actually going to "blog" a detailed list of "when I grow up" notions and the growing trend amongst my peers who are jumping ship to follow more fulfilling/self-affirming career paths. How do ya like them apples?