UPDATE: Amber Alert: Who Are You?

Originally posted at 10:42AM,
Monday, March 26, 2007

My State ID card ran away, last week ...I can't say I blame it. I refused to get it a wallet, I often shoved it in my pocket or left it alone on my bookshelf. I'm positive I've dropped it numerous times and I'm sure its been shoved between the musty pages of a book or two. I even called around, retracing my steps, checking with a few buisnesses around town and being referred to as "ma'am," as in "Nope, sorry ma'am," "Let me check for you, ma'am [5 minutes later] Ma'am? No, I'm sorry ...ma'am," and "Just a second, ma'am, I can't hear you, could you speak up, ma'am?"...Nothing.

Short of issuing a full-on "Amber Alert," I opted to break my apartment up into sections for an in-depth search. I will never give up hope for you, State ID but it's dawned on me that you are gone and that I will have to schlep my way to the Secretary of State to (begrudgingly) get a new one.

[Yes, State ID. Those who know me know that I don't have a driver's license and actually I've never had one. "Why?" a question I generally answer with a shrug and "I just never really wanted one". Which I'm sure fuels assumptions that I'm in "recovery" ...No driver's license, I order coffee @ bars ...Great]

However, true to form, when looking for something, you'll always find things that you weren't looking for:

-Receipts, receipts, receipts ("Ah, on 2/12/07 I saved $16.37 @ Dominick's ...The kicker is that I only spent $20+ ...It's a keeper!")
-Six water bottle caps ("No Princess Milo, I can't pick you up right now ...Here, have a bottle cap. Fun! Woo!")
-Pennies upon pennies
-Pens upon pens ("Where is my fine-tipped black Sharpie? ...Ah ha! Yes, it's underneath the bookcase, behind the printer, next to Primo's long neglected wooden spoon!" To which I will use said Sharpie and put back underneath the bookcase, behind the printer, next to the wooden spoon ...Hey, I know where it is).
-"So that's where those X-Files trading cards that Tom sent me so long ago are!"
-Paycheck + bill-paid stubs (C'mon audit, I'm ready for you!)
-A stack of unread or rifled through Newcity, Chicago Readers, Red Eyes and a copy of Hoy! I once used for an impromptu umbrella.
-"Oo, my Metamucil sampler from a few months ago ...I wonder if that fiber cracker is still good? Hmm"
-A "Are You A Good Person?" pamphlet from downtown ...I have yet to take their "ultimate' test.
-Dunkin' Donuts "Sip, Scratch + Score!" card for a free donut (The question: Famed racing horse Man O' War won how many races out of his 21 starts? I scratched D 20, "You Win!")
-Glitter balls which have yet to make their way underneath the refrigerator (Save yourselves!).
-A post-it that reads: "Coffee? Carrot juice? 'Everything That Rises: A Book On Convergences' Weschler?"
-A pamphlet that Danger Mike recently gave me: "How To Describe A Suspect From The Unknown ...To The Known," thank you Danger.
-What was that? Where's my classical section? Under my sofa ...At least that's where I found my Mozart's Symphonies no. 40+41 disc.
-Directions + ETA, terminal 5 @ O'Hare (when I spent Lexi + Gabe's lay-over from their honeymoon in Spain @ a classy airport bar).
-A stack of cards from my Mother, ranging from "I hear it's bitter cold there, Mandy. Be safe and bundle up" to "Sure wish I could see your beautiful face and lovely smile. I will in the spring. Be safe and use your umbrella".
-"Electricity Free Game Night, Sunday @ 6PM," from Neil (more on that later)
-A couple more post-its that read: "SHOES! APPLES!" and "HAND CLAPS!"
-Oo crap! A notice from my building stating that my Billy Preston Exterminator will be going through the building and may enter my apartment, on Tuesday. I need to talk w/ management about this ...I love you Billy, it's not you, it's me (and my three cats).

And no, no state ID ...Hmph.

I mentioned my recent loss to Danger Mike + Gloria, at work on Monday.

Gloria: "$20 for a new one!? I know who I am, I don't need their card!"
Me: "Well, it'd only be $10 if I was renewing my ID but since I lost it ...$20"
Gloria: "You know, when I got a new one, they still used my photo from 10 yrs. ago! For all they know, I could change my look, I could be trying fool 'em. I could be a terrorist!"
Me: "Do you have something you'd like to tell me, Gloria?"

UPDATE!

After a sweaty day @ work, w/ the thoughts of my Tuesday morning being gobbled up by a Secretary of State visit, Lisa and I debated whether or not to make a pit stop at Dominick's, on the way home. Just as Glenlake came into sight, we opted to make the turn and go to Dominick's.

There we were in the produce section, Lisa w/ her lemon and I w/ my apples (yes, red delicious), when the woman who usually works the service desk walked towards me.

Service Desk Woman: "Hi ...You know, you left your ID at the service desk, last week"
Me: [blink!] "What!? ...Are you serious? Do you realize that I was going to go to the Secretary of State tomorrow morning ...Can I hug you!?"
Service Desk Woman: "Sure!"
[hug]
Me: "Thank you! Thank you! Oo my goodness!"
Service Desk Woman: "You can swing by the service desk and pick it up"
[insert in-store freak out dance ...!!]
Lisa: "Do you want to go to the service desk now!?"
Me: "YES!"

And there it was ...My state ID.

Me [to my state ID]: "I'm going to get a wallet for you."

Excuse me while I twirl myself silly.