It's a fact: The radio in ISO 2 (at work) is well, crap. After spending 30 seconds too long trying to find a decent station, I finally came across a fuzzy oldies station. Joe, a caretaker was busy cleaning and I started my round of treatments -A dance of some sort, lacking in any form of coordination, since it's cramped quarters downstairs. A lot of "excuse me," "sorry," "whoops!" and "just one quick moment ...sorry" ...A spasmodic version of the Beach Boys' "Good Vibrations," came on.
Joe: "This the Beach Boys?"
Me: "Yep -Wouldn't be an 'oldies' station without at least 3 Beach Boys tunes, per hour."
Joe: "You know what band is better than the Beach Boys ...Man, umm ...Oo yeah! They're better than the Beach Boys -Huey Lewis & the News."
Me: "Oo yeah, they're ...fun."
___________
I came home to a message from Alexander:
"You are indier than I. You're even vegan! I could never compare. I give in to sin too often. I'm not even drunk!"
___________
Yesterday evening, Lisa came over for Thai food + taxes. As I waited for her downstairs, idling chatting w/ Xavier (front desk guy).
Xavier: "You don't eat any meat!?"
Me: "No"
Xavier: "So like fruits and vegetables?"
Me: Yep"
Xavier: "So lots of potatoes?"
Me: "Only as a precautionary measure and in case of a famine."
Enter Crystal, a "celebrity" (self-professed, mind you) neighbor. Crystal is a gay clown. He can often be seen wearing Mardi Gras beads of every color/size (Mr. T-style), Liberace sunglasses complete w/ red lenses, a half shirt (complete w/ potbelly poking through), rings on every finger and bodybuilder pants (you know, the ones w/ the gathered waist/cuffs + loud prints). On this (festive) occasion, Crystal was wearing a pointy green wizard's cap w/ fake elf ears attached and a neck-flap (which still kind of confuses me) and he had a few bags in hand.
Crystal: "I just got back from the most amazing crystal sale. This darling guy is selling an estate of crystals and gemstones and I just had to go! Oo my God, honey, lemme tell you, I could have moved in w/ this man for all of his wares. I just have to show you!"
[Crystal opens a bag and sets a few crystals of various colors/forms/detail onto the front desk]
Crystal: "I'm hanging this one up in my window -Oo it'll be fabulous, the light coming through. I'll wear this one, can you imagine? It's a crystal and my name is Crystal. I'm a celebrity." [Crystal holds up this wine-colored ...plastic ...crystal the size of a fist, to his chest, minus a gold chain]
Crystal: "Isn't Mother Nature ...awesome!? She made these for me. this man had @ least a half million dollars worth. Are you two ready for THE pride of all of my purchases!?"
[Crystal unwraps a thumb sized, iridescent piece of quartz]
Crystal: "Isn't this just fabulous!? Touch it! [hands it to Xavier] Hold it! C'mon, hold it!"
[Xavier takes the piece of quartz]
Crystal: "Isn't it just magical?"
Xavier: "Is this metal?"
Crystal: "Metal!? No, honey, Mother Earth made this! It's quartz ...It's perfect! No man could make something so magnificent. All the colors, the shine, the jagged edges. It's my prized piece."
Xavier: "Is it glued together?"
[Lisa, where are you?]
I'll spare you the rest but a few keynotes: Crystal has died twice, has had 3 open heart surgeries and is convinced that the latest self-help book "The Secret," is actually writen about him, for him. He fully intends on using the powers of "The Secret" and his gemstones to help him through an upcoming court battle w/ the state guardian (or something to that affect). I should also mention that Crystal is 20 yrs. sober.
And somehow I'm unfazed. Somehow retelling this event seems as ordinary as explaining the contents of my fridge (water, carrot juice, carrots, parsley, soymilk, vitamins and various condiments -no of which start w/ a "k" and/or a "mayo").
[Scott: Tell me a story.
Me: I met a gay clown named Crystal, today that has died twice and came back.
Scott: Whatttt? Are you lying?
Me: Nope, it's a true story -C'mon, even I couldn't make that shit up.
Scott: Y did u just curse....you neverrrrrrrrrrrrr curse!]
__________
Alexander called later on as he drove back from a LA video store, to share his inner St. Patrick's Day kvetch.
Alexander: "I fucking HATE Irish folk music! I hate it! Like, Nickelcreek, the brother/sister duo? They're good but I fucking hate it!"
Oo Alexander.
__________
I was explaining to Dave how I consider Dunkin' Donuts coffee beans as my "filler" beans. To extend the life of my "good" beans, I'll add a few Dunkin' Donuts beans, to which he summed up:
Dave: "So it's like the Hamburger Helper of coffee beans."
Oo Dave.
_________
Review:
-Huey Lewis + the News are better than the Beach Boys and "fun"!
-There's a "celebrity" gay clown named Crystal, living in my building who ironically enough collects crystals -Crystal has the power, he knows the secret.
-I did my taxes. (Though, I'm bitter that I can't claim Primo ...He's both an unique expense and a disabled "child")
-Alexander will forever hate Irish folk music so you can keep your copy of Brobdingnagian Bards.
-Dave's quick wit never sleeps and I now will forever associate Hamburger Helper w/ Dunkin' Donuts coffee.
-I not only never curse -I "neverrrrrrrrrrrrrr" curse
-Nick needs a hug: But don't squeeze too tight
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